These are "the worst"!

I can't say that I'm really a "movie buff". Sure, I enjoy a good flick as much as the next person and have a list of "favourites" but I don't go to the movies or do a rental all that often and there are a lot of "classics" that I've never seen (maybe someday). Conversely, I think I have seen my fair share of stinkeroos! Here are some bombs that stick out in my mind, times I attempted to watch the unwatchable.

For most of their career the Bee Gees tried to distance themselves from The Beatles. Although they loved, and like most pop groups, emulated The Beatles by times, the Bee Gees are probably the world's most successful songwriting group...although The Beatles cast a long shadow. (Forget what you think you know about the Bee Gees, they've penned one hell of a list of top selling hits for themselves and for others.) So it seems due to contractual obligations and poor advice what do they do? Make a musical based entirely on music by The Beatles. Not long after filming began the Bee Gees begged to be released from the project, but alas they were obligated to see it through to the bitter end. And it's a wretch of a movie too. Robin, Barry & Maurice are cast as three quarters of the eponymous band in this 70s "rock opera". Andy Gibb dodged the bullet on this one and Peter Frampton takes the lead. Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Earth Wind & Fire also star, as well as Steve Martin, George Burns and a whole slew of others. It's a star studded flop. The scenes that stick out in my mind are the drug scene, the fist fight the boys have with Aerosmith, and the part where Frampton's character commits suicide (only to have a big "rewind" thanks to a funky R&B rendition of "Get Back!" by Billy Preston). The story is baffling and goofy, the campy humour falls flat -- watching it now, you suspect that it just "doesn't age well", but no, it was never funny. It reminds me of the infamous "Star Wars Christmas Special": a star-studded flop that no one wants to admit being part of!

My best friend in high school was a fan of Jean Claude Van Damme. (Admittedly, in those days my tastes weren't exactly "refined" either.) I think it was just something about aesthetics of our culture in the late 80s/early 90s. We all had poor judgement. And these beefed-up, macho, body building action star types were all the rage (Remember, this was the height of Schwarzenegger, Steven Seagal, Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren's careers!) So this friend & I rented Van Damme's back catalogue of "films", and would go see his current work in the theatre as they came out. Up front I should say that I'm not a fan of the "action" genre. Honestly, his first few "films" I enjoyed: "Bloodsport" was great and I recall liking "Kickboxer" and may be another one that I can't remember , possibly "Black Eagle"? (because really, you've seen one, you've seen them all). As more movies came out, I enjoyed them less and less. The succession of Van Damme movies is a blur to me now. I do recall there was one where my friend and I actually left the theatre mid-way through, which was the first time (and possibly only time?) I've ever done that. I'm not even sure which movie it was now -- I think it might have been "Nowhere to Run". I just remember that I'd finally reached my breaking point with Van Damme movies. (I'm showing a picture of "Double Impact" here because it was Van Damme as twins.... 'nuff said.)

Hands down, "The Road to Wellville" is THE WORST MOVIE I've ever seen. This is truly a pile. Believe it or not, I saw this in the theatre, and I didn't even walk out. I suffered through to the end. At the time, I was a huge fan of Anthony Hopkins. He was at the peak of his career, coming down off "Silence of the Lambs", "Remains of the Day", and so on. All Oscar worthy performances. Then he decided he wanted to try his hand at "comedy". Not long afterwards I recall seeing Hopkins on Entertainment Tonight say something to the effect that he'd be willing to read the phone book if someone would pay him for it. Thus we have "The Road to Wellville". "The Road to Wellville" is based on the real life Kellog (yup, the guy who invented Corn Flakes) and the health spa/retreat that he ran. It's all about restrictive diets, measuring the length of bowel movements, sexual abstinence, that kind of thing. As I recall (because I'm never re-watching this monstrosity!) Dana Carvey plays Kellog's mentally challenged son; John Cusack is a skeptical reporter and Matthew Broderick plays an unwilling patient at the spa. Poo jokes abound. And the occasional Victorian orgasm joke. This movie makes you feel ashamed to call yourself human. There's really not much more you can say about this.

And least of all (in every possible way!) the horrible, embarrassing and completely unnecessary "The Avengers". A sad excuse of a "remake" of a tv show which I enjoy, although it bears very little resemblance to said tv show. I think someone looked at some stills from the

show, based their ideas about what the show was about on that and somehow made a movie. Not only is this movie a disservice to fans of the tv show, but it's a poorly made movie. Even during my initial viewing of it I could spot numerous editing and continuity errors (someone's holding a gun in this frame, suddenly it's gone, a few frames later it's back again... stuff like that.) I feel like I could've made a better movie myself with my Jazz cam and Windows Movie Maker. Also, Uma Thurman is completely one dimensional in this: basically a wire hanger for the famous "Emma Peeler" catsuit. Ralph Fiennes ain't my idea of John Steed either, and Sean Connery comes off as a complete loon.

So there you have it: a veritable rogue's gallery of box office bombs. Even if I could hand out a "Razzie" award I'm not sure I'd want to dignify these mess-terpieces. I'm sure once I get dwelling about this, other hated films will come to mind, but these ones stand out as some of my memorable "worsts". What are yours?

Outraged!

(Click the title to see the story.)

I've been vicariously following this saga for a couple of weeks and am completely outraged that anyone would do this!


"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." (Albert Einstein)

Destination Truth

(Note: The above link is just part 1, please refer to YouTube for the rest of the show!)

Did anyone else happen to see this episode of "Destination Truth"? I was thinking about that audio recording from the crematorium all last night! Usually this program does a really good job of debunking the "paranormal" but there seems to be absolutely no explanation for that recording. (That is, excluding the notion that it was faked.) Too weird!

Do you believe in ghosts? If so, what do you think they are exactly?

Do you think they're really the tortured spirits of the departed who just aren't ready to "move on"? Here's a bullshit theory that I made up once that has absolutely no basis in fact: What if there's actually a parallel dimension/alternate reality and the encounters we have with "ghosts" are just points where that dimension and ours happen to intersect...? You'd really have to get your tin foil hat on to accept that one, I know... but who can say for sure?

I'm not sure that I believe in the supernatural but I do enjoy stories about it on the level of really entertaining fiction. I do believe in the possibility that certain creatures/phenomenon might exist, and I'm open to hearing compelling proof if anyone could ever come up with it. And occasionally I enjoy being freaked out. Men in Black absolutely terrify me (no, I don't mean the Will Smith movie) and I find the idea of Bigfoot plausible and creepy. There's a lot on this planet that we just don't know about yet so I'm open to the possibility that such things could exist (but that doesn't mean that I think they do exist).

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Rainy Saturdays and comic shops

On rainy Saturday mornings I get a tinge of sadness. Not because the soggy SJ weather brings me down (although it does suck) but because it reminds me of when Christian and I used to go hang out at The Sorcerer's Stone. Although I didn't live here very long before the store closed I still developed an attachment to the place. (And it seemed like most of our trips there were on rainy Saturday afternoons, so it's an associative thing for me.) When The Sorcerer's Stone closed, and Joe died, it left a gaping hole in the uptown and in local "geek" culture. We don't really have an "old school" comic shop/hangout anymore. Sure, we have Mad City Comics but it's inside Read's/United Book Store, so it's not strictly a "comic shop". You can get comics and paraphernalia there, the staff are nice & you can hang out a bit (although it's not really conducive to long stays), but there are all these non-geeks coming in there buying cigarettes and trading in their musty paperbacks. Then there's Gamezilla, but it's way over on the West side, so it's doesn't have that "downtown" vibe that a true comic shop has. Plus, comics aren't the main focus of Gamezilla: they're secondary to gaming (TCGs, role playing, minis, video games, etc. are their main stock, then manga/anime their second focus, with comics probably coming in third). What Gamezilla does have going for it is that "clubhouse" feel, where you can go waste an afternoon hanging out with your friends, and again the staff is cool. Still, neither of those places is, in my mind, a "true" comic shop. I've been to a lot of comic shops and when I think back on the truly great ones, there are general characteristics that they all share.

When I think of what makes a great comic shop is a combination of nostalgia and the "underground" factor. This is one part the "musty, dusty" stuff and one part cutting edge. By "musty, dusty", I'm sure you know what I mean: basically what you might describe as "the old curiosity shop". Prized golden-age and silver age comics lining the walls (something to drool over and aspire to one day buying); rows and rows of long boxes of alphabetized back issues (for treasure hunting); and the "museum pieces", ie, assorted collector's items from by-gone eras like baseball cards and old toys (ie, things you wouldn't want to buy but enjoy looking at). The really good "old school" comic shops generally have this same look (kind of worn and dingy, downtown storefront), and yes a distinctive smell (very dusty and slightly moldy!). On the flip side, a good comic shop also needs an underground or "cutting edge" factor too. By "cutting edge" I'm referring to items that were more modern and had a quirkier bent to them. In this category are the "indie" comics, photocopied zines, strange import books, fan magazines devoted to really obscure topics, etc. These are the types of materials you'd never see anywhere else but a comic shop. You'd never be exposed to this type of stuff in a "mainstream" place like a drug store comic rack or a flea market table. These are what you might call the skeezier items: either too racy/controversial/violent or too obscure and fan-specific to be palatable to the casual consumer. With these items lay the possibility of discovering something new and interesting...or it might go completely over your head.

Finally, a third characteristic of a great comic shop is the "Cheers" factor. You know, a place where everybody knows your name. I touched on this earlier with Mad City and Gamezilla, but a comic shop tends to be a hangout for like-minded individuals (ok, "geeks") and there's a social aspect to shopping there. Any given time you visit the shop you're bound to see someone you know there. The workers know you, remember your tastes and interests, and they're usually free to sit behind the counter & chat. The best shops invariably have a character, a distinctive personality, that everyone associates with the store. In the case of The Sorcerer's Stone, it was Joe Harris. So, a great comic shop can be a kind of clubhouse, where you might go just to seek friendship not necessarily to buy anything. Even when you visit a comic shop in another city, you tend to see the same thing. You can almost spot the "counterparts" people have in other cities!

In Halifax it's Strange Adventures. In Bangor it's Topshelf Comics. In Toronto it's The Beguiling. No matter where you go, the feel is pretty much the same. Here it used to be The Sorcerer's Stone, and although there are some worthy successors, nothing has truly replaced it.

This is my happening and it freaks me out!

I love Ghost World so much I could smash it!

The Boob Tube

A few months ago we finally broke-down and subscribed to digital cable.  This is the first time that I personally have ever bothered paying for tv (...as opposed to just getting local signals out the air for free, or just having the tv serve as a monitor for a dvd/vcr/video game).  Some of you probably recall the old rabbit ears we used to have taped to our living room walls back in our apartment days.  Although I usually have one or two programs I enjoy, I've never been much of a tv watcher.  Usually I can find something else to do with my time (you'll notice I didn't say "more productive", just "something else"!)  These days I find myself spending more time parked in front of the tube.  Here's a sample of some of the things I'll admit that you can catch me watching:

You may be surprised but I honestly enjoy this show.  There's a lot to be learned from this, mostly about how, whether right or wrong, people judge you almost entirely on your appearance.  And part of me simply enjoys the catty things Stacy & Clinton say.  Me-ow!

I'm extremely skeptical about this show and their methods (more about that another time) but it doesn't stop me from watching it.  I'm not sure I even believe in the paranormal.  A far more frightening show is this:

I have a hard time watching "Hoarders" but I'll usually tune-in if I notice that it's on.  I become transfixed in horror and I usually sit there just gaping slack-jawed at it.  This is would be a nightmare for me.  The only show scarier than this is "19 Kids and Counting".  (*shudder*)

As I like to remark to Christian every Sunday morning: "They're putting on a show for us... and it's really good!"  (Ok, a little in-joke.) This is extremely well-done and I'm convinced the target audience is meant to be "fanboys", not kids.  A recent episode started out with a little homage to Ditko, then turned into a story about the Green Lantern Corps with all kinds of cameos by various lesser Lanterns.  Nice one!  I'll also hang around for "Spectacular Spider-Man"; a show that means well & tries hard but it just doesn't measure up to the Bat.

There are a few other shows that I'll flip around and watch.  Usually just silly stuff like "Mantracker".  If there's a good documentary on or a decent movie (especially an old one on TCM) I'll sometimes watch that.  Something that doesn't require much attention or continuity is good for me.  (Apart from when I watch "Lost", of course!)   

This show is hilarious, though I've only seen a couple of episodes.  It reminds me of a video game from the early 90s.  Even the characters have their own unique finishing moves -- like the guy with the pepper spray!  People are nuts.

What are you watching these days?