(Gail Wynand in "The Fountainhead" - Ayn Rand)
Another year is coming to a close for me. I can't say I'm thrilled about getting older... although it beats the alternative! I suppose it's just "old fartism" taking hold, but I find myself re-evaluating; questioning things that I previously took as "given". My ability to "suffer fools" is steadily diminishing.
This coming year will mark a "milestone" high school reunion for me... that is, if I were to go to it (which I'm not). It will be 20 years, which is older than I was when I graduated! Back then I never gave much thought to ever being this old. The "year twenty-ten" sounded like science fiction. It still kind of does. The thing that really makes me bitter is that most of my youth was wasted on things I "had to do", rarely things I wanted to do. Some people spend their 20s travelling, partying, forming meaningful relationships (and some not so meaningful ones). Most of my time was spent going to school (to someday get a job), working pathetically low-paying jobs (with the hope of someday advancing to a better job), and spending time with people who meant nothing to me (usually met through meaningless jobs). So now I have a job. So what? Am I supposed to wait for retirement to start living?
You've been warned: a serious mid-life crisis is brewing.
Obviously it's not all bad. Mostly, I'm very happy with my life these days. I'm married to my best friend. I have money in the bank. I own a house and a car. I've met some interesting and kind people & made great friends (although I wish I could overcome my social awkwardness around them). I'm grateful there have been no major calamities (knock on wood). Still, I regret all the wasted time & energy. If only I'd known those people back then. If only I cared less then, or thought plans through more. If only I'd drank more. I wish I'd discovered Objectivism earlier in life!
As a footnote to the season: "Simplification" has become a key word lately. I would love to "downsize" the holidays. I find myself less sympathetic to certain charities or causes. I really believe North Americans have to drop some of their "needs".
