"Picnic": A Socio-Sexual Examination. Final Part (Honest!)

"Picnic". Columbia Pictures 1955. Directed by Joshua Logan, based on a play by William Inge. Starring William Holden, Kim Novak and Rosalind Russell.

All photos & video clips used solely for the purposes of review and are copyright of their owners.

Here's the 4th and final installment of my hyperbole peppered, yet not completely off the mark classic movie review of "Picnic".

Recap: Things go to Hell in a picnic basket as Hal and Madge work their sexy magic on the dance floor, underage Millie gets liquored up and Rosemary Sydney gets violently sexual... and it's all Hal's fault!

And now the stunning conclusion. (Spoilers abound.)

Objectified and humiliated, Hal runs off and Madge follows. He steals Alan's car (and why not? After all, he's stealing his girlfriend too!) He drives back to the spot where he first hopped off the train all the while cursing his luck, the town, the whole damn thing. (By the way, I should point out that all the action of this film takes place within one day. So sexy Hal managed to screw-up several lives within a few short hours!) Madge starts pumping Hal...for information, that is... encouraging him to spill his guts. He confides in Madge that taking Alan's car isn't exactly his first "grand theft auto"... he spent his youth in Reform School for stealing a motorcycle. And although he'd hoped to "settle down" in this town he's burned too many bridges now and anyway he basically has a track record of bungling things his whole life. Turns out it ain't easy being sexy. Madge can attest to that. They have a little heart to heart that ends in a feverish lip-lock. Out comes the freight train (oh, such subtle imagery there!) They spend the night together.

Meanwhile, back at the rooming house... Howard takes Rosemary home. Both are a little "gun shy" after Rosemary's raunchy behaviour at the picnic. (You know... That "minor indiscretion" where Rosemary sexually harassed Hal, tore his shirt off, then threw a major hissy fit in front of the entire town.) Rosemary begins grovelling to Howard, pleading with him to marry her. Howard's not too keen; after all, he's grown accustomed to his bachelor life (and frankly, now that Rosemary's shown herself to be a fickle and violent hussy can you blame him?) Rosemary's not too proud to beg and literally gets down on her knees imploring him to rescue her from her spinster life. It's just one awkward situation to another with her, isn't it? Ultimately the choice is Howard's but his instructions are to return to the rooming house in the morning and they'll elope.

In the wee hours of the morning Hal and Madge skulk back to the rooming house. He tries to gauge her satisfaction level but she's a bit aloof (a far cry from how she jumped his bones a few short hours ago). Hal gets a bit pushy, trying to arrange a second "date" but Madge is playing coy. She admits that she wants to "punish" him. Geez, one night together and already Madge starts with the head games! Then Hal remembers the little matter of the stolen car. Oops.

Hal arrives at Alan's house to find the police there. Alan reported the car as stolen, since "stealing" a girlfriend isn't really a crime. Flaccid Alan throws a feeble punch at Hal but again it's clear that he's just no match for Hal physically. Hal tries to take the high road, brushing off Alan's attempts to fight. Jilted, enraged, and clearly the biggest loser in all of this, Alan orders the cops to arrest Hal (even though the car is now returned). The idea of going back to jail gives Hal a flashback of his misspent youth in "juvie". He tries to leave peacefully but Alan attacks him again. Hal assaults the two police officers in the scuffle then flees, giving them a real reason to arrest him. Good thing Hal is used to running away. Delusional Alan vows to his father that he still plans to marry Madge. Yeah...good luck with that, Al.

Now a "wanted man" (in more ways than one!), Hal turns up on the doorstep of Howard Bevans' house seeking refuge... and a place to crash for the rest of the night...and maybe a shave and change of clothes would be nice... oh and a ride over to the rooming house in the morning if it's not too much trouble. Well, he is a bum, after all! Howard is reluctant to make an appearance at the rooming house again. Gee, I wonder why?

Morning comes. It's the first day of school and Rosemary Sydney's running around as nervous as a cat awaiting her groom. Sure enough, Howard's car pulls up secretly transporting fugitive Hal. Howard has decided to refuse Rosemary's proposal... not that it really matters what he wants. Before Howard has the chance to reject her, Rosemary effectively tells the other schoolmarms to "suck it" and announces that's she's getting married. The spinsters carry her off in celebration. Poor Howard is hooked and doesn't have the cohones to argue anyway.

In the midst of the commotion Hal sneaks out to meet Madge. Hal is just too sexy for this jerkwater town, and he's burned too many bridges anyway so he plans to hop a train to Tulsa. So if Madge wants to run away and meet him in Tulsa maybe they could hook-up and live in a hotel. Now who could resist an offer like that? (P.S. He's still homeless.) Hal jumps the freight train, standing atop of it waving goodbye... once again parading his huge phallic imagery in the faces of the lonely women of the rooming house.

Well, so much for that.

Back in their room, Madge mopes. Millie swears off men forever, announcing her intention to move to New York City and write scandalous novels. She has no intention of being tied to a man or raising any snot-faced kids. You go, girl! But although she's adopted an Objectivist philosophy for herself, Millie reminds Madge that for some people, being tied to a good-for-nothing lout of a husband and raising a brood of brats is really all they're cut out for so why don't you follow Hal? Madge's mood brightens (apparently she wasn't smart enough to realize that herself.)

Madge packs her bags. Mrs. Owens warns her not to go; even if Hal did ever get a job & marry her, he will only drift away with alcohol and womanizing. I think I feel confident in saying that Mrs. Owens is right; Hal has nothing to offer her but sweaty, chiseled abs and a dubious sense of rhythm. But Madge doesn't care -- as the song goes, she's here for a good time, not a long time. And let's not waste pity on Madge. She coasts through life on her good looks too. I'm sure she'll get by. In Hal, Madge has met her equal.

Millie boards the school bus; Madge boards the greyhound to Tulsa. "The nymphs have departed", each travelling the path to the destiny she's chosen.

So what's the moral of the story? Let's see... We learned that attractive people always get what they want. That men can be just as sexualized and objectified by Hollywood as women are. We also saw that middle America is a melting pot of repression and suffocatingly artificial morality. Or is the moral that although we don't always make the best or brightest decisions that it's a basic human need to be free to pursue them? Nah, that couldn't be.

Thanks for indulging me in the over-long examination. In closing let me say that "Picnic" was neither my favourite William Holden movie nor even the most "fucked up"... that dubious honor goes to "Paris When It Sizzles". Count your blessings I didn't write a long review of that! (But that would involve the painful process of watching it again. *shudder*)

Hollywood horrors

Since I broached the subject in the past couple of posts, what are some of the tv moments you remember most as a child? I'm talking about mostly about the traumatic ones, but we can talk about good memories too.

Some of my most traumatic television moments came from The Bionic Woman of all places! Mind you, I haven't seen that show in several decades, so in writing this I'm relying on my terrified child's memory. Obviously the worst for me were "the Fembots". If you recall, they were female androids that took on the appearance of ordinary women, often posing as someone else. Whenever it was revealed they were a "fembot" their face was torn off to reveal the metal circuitry under the skin. But they still had eyes! Look at this shit!!!

If you remember the "large Marge" scene in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure", the reveal of the fembots played out something like that! Looking at this psychologically, this probably explains why I sometimes feel very suspicious about other women. Hmm...interesting. There was also an episode where the Bionic Woman fought Bigfoot (this may have been a cross-over with The Six Million Dollar Man.) To this day I am still freaked out by the idea of the Sasquatch and am convinced they probably do exist. (Although, in retrospect, I think that bigfoot was being controlled by a dude in a leisure suit with an afro...)

There was another episode of a show, and now I can't remember if it was The Bionic Woman or possibly Nancy Drew/The Hardy Boys (more likely the latter) but it dealt with a haunting and a cave that had Native Indian carvings. When they showed the cave drawings it was dark, there was a flickering fire and there was low, incessant Native chanting going on. I think it was to do with ghosts -- and I remember them cutting to a woman in bed being woken up and this chanting is going on. Obviously that freaked me out too -- so much that I don't remember anything else about it or even what show it was. For all I know it could've been the Bigfoot episode too.

Related to the terrors of The Bionic Woman, my brother used to torment me about the "Venus space probe" on The Six Million Dollar Man. A recurring "enemy" on that show, basically "the probe" was a Russian built space craft that landed in America. It was designed to destroy anything that got in it's way, so naturally only Steve Austin could fight it. Just to pick on me, my brother would chase me around pretending to be the deadly "Venus space probe", saying "the probe! the probe!" in a robotic voice while making a repetitive snapping hand gesture -- really just an excuse to scare the crap out of me & start a wrestling match. Really, I don't think the "Venus space probe" on tv was all that frightening, it was just what my brother turned it into that bothered me!

Another time I recall walking into the room as my parents were watching "Salem's Lot" and accidentally seeing this guy sitting in a dark room slowly rocking in a creaky rocking chair:




AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(Note to self: delete this mo-fo off my hard drive as soon as I post this!)

Being the kind of nut that I am, I'd love to re-watch some of these past tv horrors now. For one thing it would clarify my memory about them. Another reason would be to "exorcise" some of my childhood demons because this cheesy 70s stuff probably seems pretty tame now.

So go on -- Share your childhood horrors... if you dare!

Imaginus

Does anyone else remember the Imaginus poster sale?


http://www.imaginus.ca/


It was a massive travelling print & poster sale that used to visit university campuses. Usually it hit this neck of the woods in early fall, if I remember correctly. They usually set-up business in the student union building or cafeteria and it was huge! They had posters of pretty much anything you could think of: fine art, music, nature, fantasy, celebrities, almost any movie poster you could think of. The selection was amazing and although they usually had everything sorted by category you could easily spend hours flipping through searching for something that fit your obscure tastes -- and you usually found it!


Recently I got thinking about those Imaginus sales and about my love affair with posters. In my youth I was quite a connoisseur of posters and my walls were usually "wallpapered" with them. Even at a very young age I remember having posters in my bedroom. The first I remember having was one of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman that my mother gave me. I don't remember necessarily being interested in that show; in retrospect I suspect it was my mother's way of making a subtle feminist statement (remember, Wonder Woman was on the cover of the first issue of Ms. magazine.) Unfortunately, I was too young to appreciate that and I remember well the fate of that poster: jumping up & down on the bed with a handful of crayons I scribbled all over it. Suffice to say my I got in trouble for that little stunt.



The posters changed with my tastes. Usually they reflected movies and tv shows that I liked at the time: E.T., Return of the Jedi, The Greatest American Hero. I even had a Shaun Cassidy (the cuter of "The Hardy Boys") poster that came with one of his records that was handed-down to me from one of my brother's female friends. One early favourite poster was a Raiders of the Lost Ark poster which showed Indy kicking up the dust with his bullwhip. Later on the posters got more and more about "cute boys" and rock bands. A lot of things on my walls were torn out of magazines but also big, full-sized posters too. I was really "into" The Police at the time (Sting seemed less douchey in the 80s!) so I had a lot of them up there...until they were replaced by punks like The Sex Pistols, who were in turn replaced by my greatest musical love, The Smiths. I had a lot of pin-ups torn out of Smash Hits magazine on my walls. Sometimes I just put things up because I liked the aesthetics of it, and didn't necessarily know who the band or actor was. Later into my teens my tastes got geekier and my walls reflected it: Monty Python, comic characters like Wolverine and The Joker, and of course, Star Trek.




Some of them I wish I still had but most of those posters were destroyed or given away to friends over the years. But I do still own a good number of them. I keep most of them in a triangular cardboard mailing tube. The other day I got thinking about some of those posters so I retrieved the tube from my parents' basement. This morning I looked at what was in there. Some of it was cringe-worthy but some of it is still pretty cool. There's a rather unique looking pastel pencil drawing of David Bowie from 1984 that's pretty sweet. A Jack Nicholson from The Shining ("Here's Johnny!") b/w poster. Several Morrissey and The Smiths posters, including some presumably now rare-ish "tour" posters (one of which, from The Queen Is Dead, I still have framed on my studio wall.) And like a lot of young people, I went through a James Dean phase: I have an extremely large, "colourized", floor-to-ceiling James Dean poster that I got off a friend's sister; a b/w shot of him on a motorcycle; and a classic movie poster from "Rebel Without A Cause" (which looks pretty good; I'm considering putting this one up in the studio too!). Oh, and a ton of classic Star Trek posters. It seems my tastes were pretty bi-polar, running the gamut from cool to nerd.


What were some of the posters you had on your walls?

"Picnic": A Socio-Sexual Examination Part 3

"Picnic", Columbia Pictures, 1955. Directed by Joshua Logan, based on a play by William Inge. Starring William Holden, Kim Novak and Rosalind Russell. All photos and videos used solely for the purposes of review.



Apropos of nothing, the third installment in my slightly tongue-in-cheek classic movie review.





Recap: Sexual tensions ride high as handsome hobo Hal Carter joins the desperate women of a small Kansas town at the big Labour Day picnic.

Madge Owens has been crowned the Queen of Neewollah in a ceremony evocative of some pagan fertility ritual. Afterwards there's a dance along the waterfront pavilion. Nerdy Millie attempts to "shake her groove thang" as Hal shows her how it's done. As expected, Hal knows a thing or two about moving his body, but poor Millie can't quite get the hang of his rhythm. Watching from the staircase above, Madge gets in touch with Hal's dance and seizes the opportunity to horn-in on her little sister's date. Naturally Hal and Madge work their beautiful bods in perfect harmony. They share a sensuous dance to "Moonglow" and the hearts of women everywhere begin to melt. (Footnote: William Holden hated dancing and demanded $8000 "stunt" pay to perform this scene, thinking that would get him off the hook. The studio paid it and the rest is history: the scene instantly became a romantic classic and "Moonglow" rocketed to the top of the charts that year.) The locals aren't too happy about it, though. Millie, annoyed that her sister has cut-in on her action and once again stolen the spotlight, is pissed. Finding Howard Bevans' whiskey bottle she quickly drowns her underage sorrows. Mrs. Owens isn't too thrilled to see Madge eschewing rich Alan for a homeless man. Mrs. Potts thinks it's pretty hot, though. And so does Rosemary Sydney, who is getting all hot & bothered watching Hal work it on the dance floor. And it seems Hal's got a little something for everyone... except Rosemary. In a jovial moment, Hal even takes Howard into his arms for a little dance.

This is where the shit hits the fan.

In a jealous fit, perhaps fueled by homophobia, Rosemary puts an abrupt end to their dancing. She tries to lighten the mood with her drunken rambling. She pulls up Hal's pants, demanding to see his bare legs. Hal objects, she persists. Wedging herself into Hal's arms Rosemary lets her hands wander, and tells Hal that he looks like a statue or a Roman gladiator. She gets increasingly aggressive. Howard demands that Rosemary stop molesting Hal. In a lustful fit Rosemary tears off Hal's shirt. Hal looks victimized and ready to cry. Suddenly Millie appears, announcing that she's drunk then vomits on the spot. Alan arrives and demands to know that's going on. Half-naked Hal is too distraught to speak. Rosemary launches into a tirade equivalent to "he was asking for it" and hurls the blame for Millie's drunkenness and pretty much everything else on Hal because he's so good looking and thinks he's cock of the walk, so to speak. Effectively, it's his fault because he was "dressed provocatively", I guess. Eager to hear all the dirty details the townsfolk shine a spotlight on half-naked Hal and the whole sordid scene. Shamed and humiliated Hal runs off. Madge follows.

One interesting thing about "Picnic" is that it takes a lot of our common gender stereotypes and stands them on their head. If the tables were turned, and the genders in this film were reversed, Hal Carter could easily be a Marilyn Monroe sex-bomb type, or even a little Lolita. Consider what we would generally we think of the naive young ingenue; a vulnerable young female, usually either vacantly unaware of her power over the opposite sex and suffering unwanted attention, or otherwise as calculating and manipulative, exploiting her own feminine wiles for power or gain. Here it is Hal who takes the role of the ingenue, seemingly a victim of his own sexual magnetism. After seeing the sexual harassment he suffers from Rosemary Sydney we begin to see Hal as something of a victim of his own carnality. Suddenly that outrageous tale of the "Thelma & Louise" thieves in the sports car doesn't seem so preposterous. Of course, Hal is a bit dim-witted, but we begin to question his motives: Is he a drifter because he's a manipulative gigolo? Or is he a victim of the judgements people make about him based on his appearance? Is he the victim of his own sexy pheromones who was brought to ruin by a lifetime of exploitation and abuse? That's open to interpretation, I think. And returning to the point of gender-role reversals, have you noticed that the sexual aggressors in this film are the women, most notably Rosemary Sydney? Her outburst at the dance is an easy metaphor for sexual assault. Which, I should point out, I'm in no way taking lightly. I'm just pointing out the parallels: If it was an older man making unwelcome sexual advances on a young girl and tearing her shirt off we'd have a very different movie! It would be an interesting experiment to consider "Picnic" if all the characters were cast in the opposite sex. I think it would play out just as well, requiring only minor revisions. For example, instead of Queen of Neewollah make "Madge" a quarterback. See how easy it is? Another important point to consider about "Picnic" is the sexual themes. Remember, this is an American mainstream movie made in 1955. It seems in our post-modern age we are quick to view the past through the rose-tinted glasses of prudery. As my husband so wisely remarked, "each generation likes to think they invented sex." Of course, people have been writing about sex forever. Still, it feels unique that a movie made in the place and time that it was deals so openly with female sexuality and gender issues. Really, you have to give this movie props for that.

Next time: The stunning conclusion (I promise!)

A "Shameless" Plug

Do you remember the heyday of the "after school special"? Or when there was "a very special episode" of your favourite sitcom, usually in 2 parts? When shows opened with a stern disclaimer, reminding you to ask your parents' permission before watching that episode of Diff'rent Strokes where Arnold's buddy Dudley played "naked movie star" with the creepy old bicycle shop keeper? That's how they dealt with "important issues" for kids in my day.

We sure didn't have something like Shameless back then!

According to the by-line on the cover, Shameless is "for girls who get it". The editorial description calls itself "a progressive magazine for teenage girls". About a hundred years ago, when I was in that target demographic, I had a subscription to "Young Miss" (or, YM if you're nasty!). I recall one YM article that explained that if you were really into Simply Red then your best fashion style was probably a tartan mini-skirt and blazer. In my initial flip through issue 13 of Shameless my eyes fell on a brief article about the "Gulabi Gang" of northern India: female vigilantes dressed in hot pink saris carrying lathis (an Indian self-defense weapon). Banding together by the hundreds, the Gulabi Gang have halted child marriages, intervened in domestic abuse, hijacked trucks carrying stolen crops and rushed corrupt police station. Wow -- now that's making a fashion statement!

Shameless includes all of the standard features you'd expect in a "chick mag": relationship advice column; articles about body image; book, comic, blog and music reviews. There's even a DIY tip on how to cut your own hair. There's also pieces on cool careers, overseas volunteering and an article about the importance of campus radio (yay!). Of course, there are strong feminist overtone throughout all of this -- and in this era of "stupid girls" that's a good thing!

The magazine is all black & white, peppered with hip "indie" style comic art and illustrations lending it a cool underground vibe. No topic seems to be taboo either: lesbians, menstruation, itty-bitty-titties, hip hop, politics, poetry. There's even a brief interview with Toronto performance artist Jess Dobkin on her vagina dentata ("toothed vagina"); a follow-up to her "Lactation Milk Bar" in which she invited people to taste the breast milk from different women.

Obviously, not everything within these pages was my "cup of tea" BUT reading it did teach me a few things I didn't know, it was presented in a cool and appealing style and it held my interest. And considering I'm old enough to be a mother to its target audience that's pretty impressive. (Gah! Did I just say that?) Certainly no patronizing fluff pieces here. Let's say that for the next gen, Shameless is "a very special" magazine.

Thank you for not smoking

I have a confession to make:

In my teens and twenties I was a social smoker.

My best friend at the time was a smoker. You'd have to know him but suffice to say he was a real character. He was a prickly guy with a real sassy mouth, a cocky attitude and was surprisingly stronger than he looked. He would do pretty much anything if it was offensive or pissed people off. He was the type of guy who loved to argue and was perpetually in fist fights. Since I could be equally contemptuous (minus the fist fighting) we got along famously and I was kind of what you'd call his "wing man". So like all good young rebels somewhere along the way he started smoking. It was a natural progression for him. Hell, is there any photo of James Dean in existence where he doesn't have a cigarette dangling from his gorgeous teenage pout?

Of course, it was a different world we lived in back then and although we all knew smoking was "bad", cigarettes were still cheap & readily available. Smoking had a sexy, rebellious and grown-up appeal. There was just something so rock & roll about the act of smoking: the squint you make when you light it and take a drag. The nonchalant way you could hold it in your hand, casually waving it around as you speak that would suddenly make you look more world-weary and intelligent, like an old school artist or poet.

So when my buddy took up cigarettes he supplied them to me. I always got them for free. My preferred brand was Camels because they weren't the ones you'd commonly see the other kids smoking and they had a harsh, distinctive smell. Or sometimes I'd get Matinees because that's what I noticed my history teacher smoked. Anyway, since my friend supplied them I really only ever smoked while we were together. In those days I had different pockets of friends (school friends and neighbourhood friends) that didn't mix so some things were acceptable to do with some but not others. I never got "hooked" on cigarettes. Honestly, I never experienced a "buzz" off them. I really just did it for appearances. It was never a habit with me, just something I occasionally did to cop an attitude.

Later on, in university, I had another friend who was a "social smoker". For her it was drinking that caused her to smoke. There was something about having a beer in her hand that made her crave cigarettes. By this time I'd pretty much lost touch with that high school buddy so I rarely ever smoked anymore. I do have a wonderful memory of one night the summer that I graduated from university, though: me and 2 other girls were at this beautiful big house out in the country. The three of us were sitting on the deck in the backyard, looking up at the huge night sky, looking at the stars, chatting about nothing in particular. But it was a hot summer night, we were all moving on to new chapters in our lives and we were filled with hope and anticipation for the future. Just three friends having a moment... and beer... and cigarettes.

The world we're living in today has changed. As the slogan they used in Virginia Slims ads said "You've come a long way, baby". Sure, Humphrey Bogart made cigarettes look cool -- of course, Bogie also died of cancer of the esophagus. People just didn't know then what we do now. In those days, smoking was a rite of passage into adulthood. Now smoking is just a badge of ignorance. With all the health information that's available today there's little excuse to keep up this habit. And with inflated prices and severe limits on places where you're allowed to smoke, I'm amazed that anyone continues to do this.

Now, my exposure to cigarettes is extremely limited. Whenever I am around smokers I find the smell sickening and offensive. Maybe because I'm rarely around it now but my sensitivity to tobacco smell is much more acute: the worst is sharing an elevator with someone returning from a smoke break. More to it, my mind attaches a stigma to smokers. I just think it's trashy. Sure, if you're in a 1940s Noir movie it looked cool. If you're shivering in the alley sucking on a cancer stick today you're just tacky. And yes, people in the glamorous days-gone-by smoked a lot. They also had unprotected sex. It's a different world we're living in, even within my lifetime.

So I've openly admitted to the mistakes of my youth. Youth of today have no excuses. If you're under 30 and you smoke, you're an idiot. And when I stand at the bus stop every day the teenagers seem to be the biggest population of smokers. (Just an aside: Equally repugnant, smoking seems to accompany spitting these days. The sidewalks uptown are splattered with spit. It's worse than pigeon droppings. If your habit fills your sinuses and throats with that much mucus, take that as a sign there's something wrong!) Kids today really have to go out of their way to even find cigarettes, they're harder to buy and certainly more expensive, and the health warnings are clearly labelled on the packaging. You can't tell me there's anyone in the western hemisphere who isn't aware of the risks. Sure, all kids make mistakes, that's how we grow. It's just part of being human. Just try to choose your vices better -- at least then you can feel a little smug about being smarter than your parents' generation. If you're an older person you can at least plead ignorance for your poor choices but it's time to get in tune with the world you're living in today. Step into the 21st century. Smoking is so passe.

Picnic: A Socio-Sexual Examination. Part 2 (Or, "Don't hate the player, hate the game")

"Picnic". Columbia Pictures, 1955. Directed by Joshua Logan, based on the play by William Inge. Starring William Holden, Kim Novak, Rosalind Russell, Susan Strasberg & Cliff Robertson.

This is the second installment of my "slightly tongue-in-cheek yet I'm not entirely making this up" review.

Recap: Sexy drifter Hal Carter, a man with a checkered past and an apparent "Spanish fly" effect on women, arrives in a small Kansas town on Labour Day.

Cut to the beach for a little pre-picnic swim. Show-off Hal makes quite a splash (groan!) at the lake, drawing much attention from the female swimmers. Millie becomes the envy of them all as she boasts that Hal's her date for the picnic. Score one for the nerdy girl!

It seems this whole swimming scene was included for one purpose alone: the changing room sequence. Wet bathing suits are peeled off & hit the floor. The camera pulls back to reveal a cut view of the men's and women's changing room, separated by only a joint wall. Being 1955 and for modesty, the camera is strategically placed most of the time but the effect is we see our characters standing around chatting in the nip. At one point, Millie tries to sneak a peek through to the men's side and can't help but join in on Hal & Alan's conversation. It's a cute scene, but again, it's purpose does seem only to add to the titillation.

Back at Mrs. Owens' rooming house they're packing their picnic baskets. Rosemary Sydney, resident cougar, awaits her boring beau, novelty salesman (read:purveyor of fake dog doo) Howard Bevans...all the while hoping she'll get a better offer. She claims there's a mystery man she met at a dance who wants to marry her and he could arrive any minute to whisk her away. But then, she also claims that she was as beautiful as Madge in her younger days -- another dubious claim. Rosemary Sydney is a boiling pot of repression and sexual frustration. While she's quick to keep up the appearance of propriety and wear the label of "old maid school teacher", she's desperately horny. She's desperate for a man, desperate for an escape from the other old maids at the school and the rooming house. It's Labour Day and the school year's about to start again -- she's got to get her hooks into a man. Today. Enter Hobo Hal, arriving at the house to pick up Millie for their date. The ladies are charmed by Hal, and Hal is quick to oblige them -- taking off his jacket to reveal his muscular build. Rosemary Sydney has a hallelujah moment.

Too bad for Rosemary: boring Howard is her date not buff Hal, and she's pretty pissed about it. She becomes increasingly cranky and prissy. In an odd scene that's vaguely suggestive of oral sex, Howard produces a bottle of whiskey in the car and coaxes prudish Rosemary to have a tipple. So now we have Rosemary: bitter, desperate, horny and just drunk enough to shed a few inhibitions. Yeah, this is going to end well.

Gathered together at the picnic, the gang from the Owens' rooming house see more of Hal in action. He swaggers about, climbing trees, doing push-ups -- anything to draw attention to his physical prowess. Relaxed, he lets his guard down a bit, dropping hints about his troubled past: particularly abuse he suffered from an alcoholic father. Again we see the dichotomy between Hal the show-off and Hal the vulnerable. On the one hand he flaunts his body, brags about his sexploits and appears to be the typical "big man on campus" jock. At the same time we see Hal's child-like naivete and his fractured past. It seems like most of Hal's problems have stemmed from the way others have treated him. Could it be Hal is simply a victim of his own simple-mindedness and the deviousness of others? Or, maybe his sexy pheromones are clouding my opinion too! One thing's for sure -- Rosemary Sydney can't take her eyes off Hal's pants....



The picnic itself is a bizarre spectacle. The townsfolk amuse themselves with a variety of physical competitions. Sure, there's the standard 3-legged race and pie eating contest. But then there's also a game called "trained seals" where the men are tied-up in submissive positions and gagged with a stick in their mouths as the women toss rings at them. (Not surprisingly Rosemary Sydney is particularly fond of that game.) As night falls they have a group hymn sing. What a sea of bored faces! As I look across the glassy-eyed crowd I can't help but wonder if this is what Jonestown looked like. The evening is capped by the crowning of the "Queen of Neewollah" (that's Halloween spelled backwards. Slightly demonic, wouldn't you say?). Naturally, Madge is a shoe-in as Queen. The Queen floats down the river in a swan-shaped boat in a seemingly dark pagan ritual. The citizens take on a creepy, cult-like demeanor, bowing and chanting in unison "Nee-woll-ah".

It's amazing they don't don hooded robes and chuck Millie on an altar as a virgin sacrifice! At any rate, let's just interpret this as comment on the drone-like conformity found in small-town America. Despite the apparent festivities of the day we get the impression this could be a very closed society... not at all the type of place welcoming to free spirits.

Now that their Queen has been crowned, they celebrate with a dance.

Next: The Climax... coming in Part 3

"No Doubt" by Robin Gibb

Mmmm, oh, ooh, oh baby.

It's Friday night, and I just got paid.

Going out on the town, trying to get my freak on.

I can't see me staying home all alone.

No, it ain't right, I got to go out and see if I can find that special one.

You can be the one that I want to get it on with, you and me, me and you, rocking to the break of dawn.

You can be the one that I want to go home with, take you from the club to my spot, then we can get right to it, yeah.

No doubt - me and you, yeah, yeah.

No doubt - popping Christal, yeah.

No doubt - chilling at the house.

Get into the shower for half an hour, yeah.

No doubt - all inside the club, yeah.

No doubt - get some good lovin'.

No doubt - I just want to break you off.

Oo-wee to the break of dawn.

I can tell that you need a love like mine, but you try to lay shy like you ain't feeling my vibe.

But I know what you need,the only kind of love I give.

So why don't we both keep it real, do the kind of things we feel?

Oh yeah.

You can be the one that I want to get it on with, all night long, me and you, getting it on.

Is that what you were thinking?

You can be the one that I wanted to go home with, the one to go home with then we can get right to it, yeah. Take you from the club to my spot, then we can get right to it, yeah.

No doubt - me and u, yeah, yeah.

No doubt - poping Christal, yeah.

No doubt - chilling at the house.

Get into the shower for half an hour, yeah.

No doubt - all inside the club, yeah.

No doubt - get some good lovin'.

No doubt - I just want to break you off.

Ooo-wee to the break of dawn.

No doubt, no doubt...

"No Doubt" by Robin Gibb, from the album "Magnet". Lyrics and image are copyright their owner, Robin Gibb.

Review: "Escape from Special" by Miss Lasko-Gross

Ever since the public library started a comics and graphic novel collection I've been discovering all kinds of wonderful new things. The best part about it is they're FREE, so it's like a no obligation test drive where you can find out whether or not you're going to enjoy a series without committing $20 to buy it! (Perfect for an unabashed cheapskate like myself!) On more than one occasion now I've hit upon something really wonderful there-- the type of book that just strikes a chord with you.

Last Friday I made one of those discoveries: "Escape from Special" by Miss Lasko-Gross.

"Escape from Special" is the first book in a trilogy of autobiographical coming-of-age comics. The format is short anecdotes, usually laugh out loud funny ones. In this first installment we meet Melissa Gross: a headstrong, curious and neurotic little girl whose strong personality often puts her at odds with those around her. This first book covers Melissa's life from her first memory as a toddler up until the end of middle school. Everywhere she goes Melissa is alienated... and that makes her "special": whether she's the lone atheist at temple, the independent thinker at school, or the outcast on the playground. Through random anecdotes we see how in pretty much every situation Melissa manages to sabotage her own attempts to "fit in".

To me, this is very reminiscent of Jeffrey Brown's comics, only from a female point of view. To find a female coming-of-age book like this is very refreshing for me; I can think of similar experiences from my own childhood.

Maybe we aren't so "special" after all.

Rendered in muted black & white with a tight, almost childlike drawing style the book perfectly captures the awkwardness of childhood and adolescence. The style lends it a freshness & sense of immediacy but at the same time we know we're looking back on those moments with adult eyes. You feel that sense of urgency that kids have -- that everything that's happening is the end of the world -- while at the same time acknowledging the ludicrousness of it all.

I read "Escape from Special" on Friday; on Saturday I bought the sequel, "A Mess of Everything". I haven't had a chance to read it yet but based on the first book my expectations are high.

"Picnic": A (slightly tongue-in-cheek) Socio-Sexual Examination (Part 1)

"Picnic". Columbia Pictures, 1955. Directed by Joshua Logan. Based on the Pulitzer Prize winning play by William Inge. Starring William Holden, Kim Novak, Susan Strasberg, Rosalind Russell & Cliff Robertson.

(All photos & video clips used solely for purposes of review.)


Introduction. As my fixation with William Holden continues I am slowly going through his filmography. From all accounts, "Picnic" is cited as Holden's most sexually charged performance (just look at this movie poster for crying out loud!) so naturally I've been biding my time for the right moment to savour this one. Here's my interpretation of a seemingly innocuous little film that's one part "Rebel Without A Cause" and one part "American Beauty" with a healthy dash of "WTF" thrown in too. (Be warned I am going to hyperbolize a bit as is my poetic licence to do!)




Synopsis
"Picnic" opens with a freight train (yes ok, an obvious phallic symbol) pulling into a sleepy little Kansas town. From the train leaps a stow-away: a dingy hobo named Hal Carter. Hobo Hal wastes no time peeling off his clothes to bathe in the nearby river before venturing into town. (Footnote: William Holden in varying degrees of undress, usually bathing, happens at least once in almost every movie I've seen him in -- it's practically his trademark!) With his fabulous physique now a little more presentable, Hal wanders into a residential neighbourhood, knocks on the door of an elderly lady offering his "services" for hire. Noticing Hal's obvious, um... assets... Mrs. Potts puts Hal to work in her backyard... under the condition that he removes his shirt (ostensibly because she wants to wash it, and... ya know, he's a man so going topless is fine and... YOU GO GIRL, MRS. POTTS!!!) Of course, as Hal stands working behind the trash barrel his lower body is hidden, creating the illusion that he is nude. It's probably no coincidence that Mrs. Potts puts Hal in plain view for the rooming house next door for all there to enjoy the view. You sly ol' dawg, Mrs. Potts!

Cut to the rooming house owned by Mrs. Owens, a single mom whose life has passed her by. Languishing at the bottom of the social strata, she ekes out a living renting out rooms to spinster ladies, such as self professed "old maid school teacher"and part-time cougar Rosemary Sidney. Mrs. Owens vicariously places all her hopes in her two teenage daughters, Millie and Madge. Millie, the younger daughter is a brainy tomboy who resents living under the shadow of her more attractive, but otherwise bland older sister, Madge. Madge is the local all-American beauty queen with a surprisingly bad case of ennui. She's pretty and popular and is dating the richest boy in town but she's bored and unhappy -- and worse, she isn't bright enough to know why. What she does know is that no one is really interested in her beyond her good looks and that her boyfriend Alan is a bit of a bore. She admits to her mom that they "make love" down by the river but hints that flaccid Alan gives her no pleasure physically. Still, Mrs. Owens would prefer that Madge bag her rich beau while she can because really time is ticking away on Madge and once her looks fade she'll have no chance to make it in life. Admittedly, I'm kind of in agreement: Madge seemingly has no personality, interests or skills. As an aside, "Picnic" was Kim Novak's first breakout role and honestly her performance is very wooden. She easily could've been replaced by a mannequin.

Back to flaccid Alan, who it turns out used to be Hobo Hal's old college roommate (that is, back when Hal was riding out a football scholarship before being chucked out of the frat house for poor grades.) Hal tells Alan his hard luck story of how he was bilked out of all his money by essentially a liquored-up & rapey Thelma and Louise in a sports car.


Don't hate him because he's beautiful; the poor man can't catch a break. Hal begs rich Alan for a job...preferably an executive position with a corner office and personal secretary. Alan gives him a job as a farm hand. We begin to see Hal Carter as a man with a small brain, a huge penis and a distorted sense of entitlement. As footnote, William Holden initially refused this role. Being 37 years old at the time he was correct in thinking that he was too old to play this character. However, Holden pours a lot of bravura into this performance and manges to pull it off. He throws in equal amounts of swagger and dim-witted earnestness, enough to make you unsure of Hal's true motivations. Is he really a scheming con man or just a handsome idiot?


So Hal's got a job now but no work today because it happens to be Labour Day and the whole town shuts down for a huge picnic. Naturally Alan is taking Madge so he invites Hal to tag along as little Millie's date (because who better to pair up with a rebellious underage girl than an over-sexed homeless man, right?)


What could possibly go wrong?

More in Part 2.

M.I.A.

No, I haven't forgotten about this blog. I've just been on a bit of a "hiatus" working on other things. Hopefully soon I will have some new items to post. In the meantime, here's a sampling of what I've been up to lately...

For starters, I deactivated my Facebook a couple of months ago. I haven't regretted it. I didn't "advertise" the fact I was leaving it, I just did it (and I'm sure no one really noticed I was gone). Social networking isn't for me. I'm not the least bit interested in reconnecting with former classmates, past co-workers, etc. If someone is not currently part of my life there's probably a very good reason for that. Ironically, the handful of people from my past that I wouldn't mind staying in touch with don't use Facebook. Also, the minutia of my acquaintances lives frankly doesn't interest me. Constant status updates about every mundane little thing they're doing (the fact they enjoy coffee or that they changed their socks today) annoy me. I really prefer to keep at arm's length with a lot of people. And I really question the need for virtual "approval" from people. My mood has much improved since deactivating Facebook, and my productivity/creativity has probably doubled.


Obviously I've been following the final season of "Lost". Absolutely one of the best written and most ambitious shows on television ever. That's no exaggeration. If you haven't been following it you're really missing out (but you've got to watch it from the beginning -- in order!!!) Damn, I'm gonna miss this when it's gone.




Back in my university days I was very into jazz music. Not "modern" jazz; I mean mostly swing from the 30s and 40s. Lately I've been rekindling my love of old jazz. Recently I got some CDs to replace some of my old worn-out cassettes (this "Okeh" Duke Ellington double cassette set used to be a particular favourite of mine). I feel like there's a time & a place for certain music, sometimes it feels like putting on a comfortable old pair of slippers. I've been nagging Chris to help me do an electronic "jazz" album (old style jazz/swing/scat inspired tunes done all on synths with some triphop beats), and I hope to do some Duke Ellington covers. I'm not sure he exactly shares my vision yet. :) Ok its not everyone's cup of tea... but if it ever gets done it will be awesome -- trust me on this.



Recently I picked up an ultra cheap SD camcorder, similar to this one and I've been making videos. The image quality is pretty poor... but I guess that's part of it's charm. I have lots of ideas of future videos I want to make -- the only thing slowing me down is my lack of skill! Keep checking YouTube for updates.

I won't mention any books or movies here yet -- I'll save them for upcoming reviews. Suffice to say I've been running the gamut from awesome to WTF lately...


Stay tuned!